...

There should be more poignant words for what I am feeling right now... But nothing I could say would do it justice. The shock I am feeling is still so great that I have no words... other than "why?" "how?" "No..." I am ultimately unable to imagine this... for so many reasons.

In the meantime... I am posting to record my immediate thoughts, for later reflection. I would sleep on it, before I write, I'd certainly know more tomorrow... but I need to do something with my hands, and I cannot say orally anything but those three words...

Life is full of the unexpected.
The unexpected can be good and bad.
Today, was bad... no... unthinkably horrible and extremely unfortunate. Both actually, understatements.
There are no reasons why these things happen.
I have been sitting here for over an hour reflecting on my life, his life, life in general...

Please, please, please tell me this is not real... tell me I will wake up and this is just a nightmare.