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on... off...
I have the capacity for love... to love and be loved in return... I was just thinking about the ones that could have been... One man in particular, our affair was long and fleeting all at the same time -- if he loved me back, our love could have been legendary. I would have made sure that he wanted for nothing. But alas, I don't think "as is" I was everything he needed, or does need... and as much as I now wish to provide for him, I'm at a loss, and feel stunted - unable to make everything all better. sigh.
Perhaps this impotence with some men, has led me to open myself up to every possibility I can find. I am different things to different people - I fill different needs in each relationship.
To one, I may be the future, the "one" he has waited for - who he can take care of, who can take care of him, someone he can be proud of, and knows I adore all of his accomplishments in turn.
To another, I may simply be a salve, two wounded hearts taking care of each other, because for the time we spend together, there is that comfortably electricity that feels so good. I don't know if that's what I am to him, he is still guarded, and I haven't been let in yet.
To a third, things are yet to be discovered. For now, time flies when we talk, and we're enjoying that whole "learning about each other" phase. It's a little "juvenile" but disgustingly adorable the way he asked me out... so I'll give it a whirl.
Technically, there could be #4, but he's an old friend from 6 years ago who just walked into my acquaintance again, and there needs to be serious catching up. He was the prom-date that never was, but could have been, if only I asked... doh!
Befers thinks I should have 5, 6 and 7, too -- one for each day of the week. I already quit my job to make time for school, how am I supposed to juggle this?? Is there such a work for dating multiple people, versus married to many people -- not polygamy... but polydatamy? I'm polydatamous... polydatamice plural?
Anyway... the post started out poignant, but ended silly. On a high note -- yes, I quit my job. I decided that I needed to prioritize, and bad grades weren't worth a measly paycheck, for a job I didn't have the passion for anymore. I feal cleansed.
I have the capacity for love... to love and be loved in return... I was just thinking about the ones that could have been... One man in particular, our affair was long and fleeting all at the same time -- if he loved me back, our love could have been legendary. I would have made sure that he wanted for nothing. But alas, I don't think "as is" I was everything he needed, or does need... and as much as I now wish to provide for him, I'm at a loss, and feel stunted - unable to make everything all better. sigh.
Perhaps this impotence with some men, has led me to open myself up to every possibility I can find. I am different things to different people - I fill different needs in each relationship.
To one, I may be the future, the "one" he has waited for - who he can take care of, who can take care of him, someone he can be proud of, and knows I adore all of his accomplishments in turn.
To another, I may simply be a salve, two wounded hearts taking care of each other, because for the time we spend together, there is that comfortably electricity that feels so good. I don't know if that's what I am to him, he is still guarded, and I haven't been let in yet.
To a third, things are yet to be discovered. For now, time flies when we talk, and we're enjoying that whole "learning about each other" phase. It's a little "juvenile" but disgustingly adorable the way he asked me out... so I'll give it a whirl.
Technically, there could be #4, but he's an old friend from 6 years ago who just walked into my acquaintance again, and there needs to be serious catching up. He was the prom-date that never was, but could have been, if only I asked... doh!
Befers thinks I should have 5, 6 and 7, too -- one for each day of the week. I already quit my job to make time for school, how am I supposed to juggle this?? Is there such a work for dating multiple people, versus married to many people -- not polygamy... but polydatamy? I'm polydatamous... polydatamice plural?
Anyway... the post started out poignant, but ended silly. On a high note -- yes, I quit my job. I decided that I needed to prioritize, and bad grades weren't worth a measly paycheck, for a job I didn't have the passion for anymore. I feal cleansed.
