Lonely and scared.
Jul. 23rd, 2003 10:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pastfancyWell, I joined up thinking this would be a good idea. Get my ideas on HTML, make myself accountable to others who may cross my webpath, and vent about all the stuff that's not going right in my life. A little cleansing.
First thoughts -- I will be alone soon. I don't know when, but I can feel it counting down. My mother has ovarian cancer. Diagnosed February 2002, and started her second series of chemo less than 3 months ago. We thought she would "manage" the cancer for the rest of her life, but I suppose that time is getting shorter and shorter. A little background - you may be thinking "why is she alone? what about her father" - well, he died in 1998 from cancer too. So, now I'm marked. I have a timer on my own life. Of course, I am generally more healthy than either of my parents, but if it was in their genes, I have a very nice chance of one day receiving chemotheraphy myself. I'm scared.
I'm also thinking about my future. I'm a failed athlete, only halfway through college at the ripe old age of 24, no significant career path, and will eventually be (as I feel it) an orphan. My only close relative is my senile grandmother, who, at this rate, has a good chance of outliving me, god bless her 94 year old self. I have no significant other in my life, and no eligible prospects in the near future. Many of my close friends and some not to close friends are all in serious hitch-probable relationships, getting hitched, or got hitched already. Consequence of my slow start at a family -- no one in my immediate family will ever meet my eventual husband or their grandkids. Not that I am looking to go to Vegas and in 9 months have a little one around, but I do feel a little left behind in the game of Life.
No pity needed. This is just a vent session.
First thoughts -- I will be alone soon. I don't know when, but I can feel it counting down. My mother has ovarian cancer. Diagnosed February 2002, and started her second series of chemo less than 3 months ago. We thought she would "manage" the cancer for the rest of her life, but I suppose that time is getting shorter and shorter. A little background - you may be thinking "why is she alone? what about her father" - well, he died in 1998 from cancer too. So, now I'm marked. I have a timer on my own life. Of course, I am generally more healthy than either of my parents, but if it was in their genes, I have a very nice chance of one day receiving chemotheraphy myself. I'm scared.
I'm also thinking about my future. I'm a failed athlete, only halfway through college at the ripe old age of 24, no significant career path, and will eventually be (as I feel it) an orphan. My only close relative is my senile grandmother, who, at this rate, has a good chance of outliving me, god bless her 94 year old self. I have no significant other in my life, and no eligible prospects in the near future. Many of my close friends and some not to close friends are all in serious hitch-probable relationships, getting hitched, or got hitched already. Consequence of my slow start at a family -- no one in my immediate family will ever meet my eventual husband or their grandkids. Not that I am looking to go to Vegas and in 9 months have a little one around, but I do feel a little left behind in the game of Life.
No pity needed. This is just a vent session.
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Date: 2003-07-24 05:59 am (UTC)Shelle